The Forgotten Art of the Business Meal
A single post on LinkedIn about the challenging road my wife and I walk as we raise our son with special needs achieves ten times the engagement from my professional following when compared with a riveting post about the debt markets; not even a captivating line graph tips the scale. I post almost daily, keenly watching the performance metrics in an intensely competitive battle with the algorithms. Impressions, likes, comments – the more I score, the more I scoff at my opponent, the algorithms. For most posts, I intentionally include content relevant to commercial real estate investors. But every so often I post something personal, assuring my network I’m not a real estate robot. After two years, one reality continues to catch me by surprise.
EVEN IN BUSINESS PEOPLE CRAVE AUTHENTIC CONNECTION
In business, there exists an unofficial spectrum of communication ranging from the least personal – think email blast and marketing mail – to more personal which includes a customized email, text message, or phone call. On our journey across the spectrum, we attend virtual meetings, office meetings, and coffee meetings, eventually earning the opportunity to communicate via the most personal method, a shared meal.
As interpersonal interaction progresses, the conversation is offered the chance to go further below the surface. The tough guy behind an email softens over a phone call and more so in a meeting. Why? Because he is face-to-face with a real person.
Vanessa K. Bohns, an organizational behavior professor at Cornell University, published research findings stating business requests are 67% more effective in person than when done through audio and video calls, which are 87% more effective than email requests. Interestingly, the same research confirms that the person making the request underestimates the advantage of making that request in person.
Business is about people, and just as much, it is about our interactions with those people. The more we place efficiency on a pedestal, the further we drift from the real people behind the business.
Generational differences come into play as baby boomers prefer in-person communication while millennials are more likely to use the phone or email in place of a meeting. The preferences have come full circle as Generation Z, the youngest generation in the workforce, may leverage technology to communicate while at home but prefers face-to-face meetings at work as they place a high value on trust, per the research published by Rise, an employment engagement firm out of Canada.
As business people, we voraciously hunt for the next great mouse trap to build our businesses. With good intentions, we prowl for more output with less input. Since the Great Financial Crisis of 2008, we have sought to leverage technology for growth. What is the next technological tool to reach more people more efficiently?
Business is about people, and just as much, it is about our interactions with those people. The more we place efficiency on a pedestal, the further we drift from the real people behind the business. We choose efficiency as a mindset and motivator, enabling us to connect with the largest number of people, but because we are moving quickly and managing relationships with screens, there is a cost. Relationships with those same people have become transactional.
Who comprises the company culture? People.
Who negotiates a contract? People.
Who makes purchase decisions? People.
To grow, we need deeper relationships – more depth than an email or text message can provide. We need relationships that cultivate trust, penetrating the surface and making us aware of the person’s wants and needs as well as their motivators. Ironically, in a world filled with technology built for efficiency, the most efficient way to form a more meaningful relationship is through breaking bread together.
WALLS COME DOWN OVER A SHARED MEAL
Think about famous meals in history – the first Thanksgiving celebrated between the Native American Wampanoag people and the Plymouth colonists; the buffet at Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural ball occurring after the Emancipation Proclamation; or The Last Supper, when Jesus and his disciples communed before his crucifixion.
Research by Lakshmi Balachandra published in the Harvard Business Review suggests that “eating while discussing important matters offers profitable, measurable benefits through mutually productive discussions. Biological factors are at work including the effects of glucose on the brain resulting in stronger self-control and regulated prejudice.” Additional research demonstrates “the unconscious mimicking behaviors of others leads to increased prosocial behaviors.” In other words, when you and your counterpart are both taking bites of food, you are more likely to have a positive connotation towards each other.
To grow, we need deeper relationships – more depth than an email or text message can provide.
WORK GETS DONE OVER A SHARED MEAL
Promote camaraderie with teammates? Meet them for breakfast.
Negotiate terms with people with opposing agendas? Take them to lunch.
Cultivate relationships with prospective clients? Invite them to dinner.
Eating is a basic human need transcending cultures and continents. When you place an order, you let everyone in earshot know a little bit about a personal preference you have outside of business. How you treat the server creates additional transparency.
An excellent dining experience is like a tennis match with long rallies where adjustments are being made by each side according to what is hit to them from the other side. The idea is to receive and return the shot, developing a rhythm which can lead to conversation exploration not occurring outside the arena of that restaurant.
The comfort of food and setting of a dining table lends all parties to become more likely to talk about their family, hobbies, emotions, recent celebrations in life or maybe recent challenges.
TRUST DEVELOPS OVER A SHARE MEAL
Analyzing trends in the capital markets, discussing key motivators in a negotiation, and doing whatever technical tasks are associated with your business are important. But based on research and my own personal experience, the best way to develop authentic business relationships is not at the conference room table but at the dinner table. A shared meal fosters transparency, and transparency leads to trust. And when it comes down to it, people do business with people they like and trust. When the emails get monotonous and the board room gets boring, there is absolutely nothing better for business than breaking bread together.